My husband and I used to joke that women only keep men around for 2 things:  killing spiders and opening jars. Truth is, we need them for much more than that. Changing tires comes to mind. Carrying those 40-lb. bags of salt for the water softener… emptying mouse traps… moving furniture…

Relationships come and relationships go. That’s what many people believe today. They  don’t try to make a relationship work, because they don’t see the point. For them, nothing is permanent. Marriage doesn’t last. Give up. Pack up. Move on. Rinse and repeat.

It IS possible to have a lasting relationship. It IS possible to have a lasting marriage. But you need to understand one thing — marriage is hard work. Healthy relationships are hard work. And anyone who tells you differently is full of sh*t.

Today’s lesson is all about need. Not being needy. Being needed.

Men want to be strong partners. They want us to see them as Superman. Men of steel. Men who can do anything. Men who don’t need a thing. They can do it all.

Women want to be strong partners, too. We want folks to see us as independent, able to do anything a man can do. We’re ready to kick ass & take names and then organize the hostile takeover of a major corporation. We don’t need a thing. We can do it all.

He’s strong. We’re strong. Strong. Strong. Strong. Don’t need a thing. We can do it all.

No one ever wants to admit that they need anything, do they? We all want to be self-sufficient, all-powerful, emotionally and physically strong. We don’t want to be vulnerable or weak.

A relationship built solely on strength and accomplishment and independence is superficial at best. When we’re willing to be vulnerable with our partner, that’s when our relationship deepens. And a deep relationship is more likely to last when life throws rotten lemons at you.

Here’s something you’ll never read in Cosmo:

Ladies, your partner needs to be needed. He needs you to value his opinion. He needs to know that your life wouldn’t be the same without him. He needs to know you appreciate his presence. You appreciate his contributions to your life. You appreciate the fact that he loads the dishwasher, even if it’s not the way you would do it. You appreciate HIM, just because of who he is. He needs you to smile more, to laugh  more, to love more.

Men, your partner needs to be needed – outside the bedroom, thank-you-very-much. She needs you to value her opinion. She needs to know that your life wouldn’t be the same without her. She needs to know you appreciate her presence. You appreciate her contributions to your life. You appreciate the fact that she mows the lawn, even if it’s not the way you would do it. You appreciate HER, just because of who she is. She needs you to smile more, to laugh  more, to love more.

jim-cathy-in-vienna

Jim and I have been together for more than 40 years, and we still delight in spending time with each other. I appreciate him, and I remind him of that. I need him,  he needs me, and the simple little moments in our everyday life help us appreciate that mutual need. I can’t imagine life without him, and that makes each moment together so very precious. I treasure every smile, every laugh, and every “I love you”.

Relationships come and relationships go. What about yours? Is your need to be strong and independent blinding you to the fact that your partner can’t find a way to fit into your life and your heart? Be careful… independence can be a lonely existence. And superheroes are always lonely in their secret hideaways.

The simple truth is this: You have value. You are worthy of love. You deserve a lasting relationship. And so does your partner. Let your partner know how much you need him, how much you appreciate him, and how enriched your life is because he’s a part of it. Work hard. Love hard. Build a relationship that lasts.

Advertisements